Being one of the children of divorce is not easy for anyone. It could lead us to go through things that are not completely necessary for children to experience. My parents went through a divorce back in 2012 and I’m not going to lie, it was a difficult time for my brother and I. At 16, It’s understandable how hard it was for me in the first few years but because of this, I found myself becoming wiser and stronger. Feelings are rarely a normal thing to discuss in the house, so instead I would like to pour it out through writing. There’s a few things I have learned as a child of divorce and would like my parents to know.
You Did Not Fail as a Parent
At that age, I was aware of how separation could be seen as the best option for each other’s happiness in a relationship. I also knew that being a wife or a husband was different than being a parent. I hope you know this difference too. You are our parents and nothing can change that, not even a divorce. In fact, you were there for us even more as you stopped focusing on fights and shifted your attention to us.
Other than that, the divorce also lead us to new paths in life which led me to become who I am today. I realise I grew up to be stronger, wiser and kinder. I believe that if things didn’t happen the way it did, I wouldn’t be this better version of myself. For that, I would not trade this with anything. It might not have been something we wanted at the time, but it was needed.
Do Not Worry, Mom and Dad, We Are Fine.
A lot of parents going through a divorce are so worried of how it could affect their children. It is true that there will always be ones who are affected. However, you tend to forget that other families also have problems of their own. The best choice is one with everyone of us feeling loved and happy. If that could not be achieved by staying together, we are better off with other options. Do not worry of how it would affect us but instead try to find ways to still be there for us. It needs a lot of adjusting, but everything will work out perfectly fine!
Time, Schedules and Children of Divorce
Holidays are the worst for children of divorce. Not because of the holiday itself but the bickering on who’s turn it is in which house. We are constantly being pulled in one way or another and our own schedules tend to be put aside. We also want to spend the best of our time together, but please do not feel insecure by our choices. Wanting to be in the other house for some celebrations or holidays does not mean we like the other better. It might just be which choice is more practical or a comfortable situation at the moment. Also remember that as we grow older, our time would mostly be filled with outside activities like school or our social life. We would love to spend time with both of you equally, but we really do struggle to balance this all at once.
Co-Parenting is Very Possible!
You might not be a couple anymore, but your children still need you. So, the best thing to do for them is to co-parent. Put your problems aside and treat each other like a partner on a project. After all, a little extra care and attention is needed in conditions like these. The energy that you show is important as it may reflect on how you make us feel. If we only feel hatred and anger, that would affect us in the worst way possible. So put your best efforts to work together and communicate to maintain the best for us. My parents did so and I am the happiest I ever been now that they have find the right ways to work with each other.
So mom and dads out there, what we all just want you to know is that everything will be okay. We do not blame you, communication is the key, and we love you both all so equally. Us children of divorce hope you realise that we understand and that we believe that this had to happen for the better. A divorce might have change things in the house but it will not change the bond we have. You will forever be our parents and that could never change. So is our love for you.
If your decision to divorce negatively affects the growth and development of the child, immediately consult the right parenting with the best psychologists from Riliv.
Consult Before It’s Too Late
Reference
- Britanny Wong, “8 Things Kids of Divorce Want Parents to Know”, Huffington Post, https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/04/02/advice-from-children-of-divorce-_n_6978822.html
Shafira Amalia Hidayat is an International Relations student who is passionate in writing about social issues and mental health. She aims to someday change the world by helping the people in need and raising awareness through her writing. Her blog is no longer active, but you can reach her at @sapphire.dust on Instagram. See ya, there!
